Wednesday night I went to a drag show with host Bunny Foo Foo. Great show, as always. Very mood-lightening. I sang along to Team Dresch in the car really loud. Yesterday I went to the rodeo, La Fiesta de los Vaqueros. My coworkers and I ate BBQ and root beer and then went together. There were 5 year olds trying to ride sheep and lots of cowgirls riding horses and bull riders and really insane bull fighters wearing red shirts and jumping in front of the bull to protect the rider. A few riders looked like they broke something, a few fighters got thrown a little, but nothing brutal or too serious. Most participants were world-class rodeo people. Everyone was so good at what they were doing, I couldn’t be judgmental about it. It was pretty impressive actually. It was like watching other sports except instead of a human for an opponent, it was a horse or a bull or a calf. And the rodeo was very Tucson-style, down-home do-it-yourself style, not slick and shiny like other sports. Really beautiful horses too. And you could see the mountains from the stadium and I got sunburned on my face. I’d never seen so much denim in my life.

I kind of liked that story I posted but I’m not sure anyone else did and I guess I am a lazy writer and it’s always an issue to share a story. It’s possessive I guess. Characters are mine until others read them and then they don’t belong to me anymore because others are going to interpret things differently or just not care because I didn’t do my job well enough and there’s this murdering impulse, this pruning of the mind where I want to separate myself from it all and get back to myself. And slash characters are never really mine to begin with, just my interpretation of them, and everyone knows how the community can get sometimes, and I can’t really bring myself to put up with it all the time and yet I can’t let it all go either. Because it’s how I’ve dealt with reality since I was six. Because I like to sleep at night. Because I can’t find something else that is legal and works. But it’s just a matter of time I know. So I guess I’ll post it again so I don’t feel like I completely wasted my time. Well, minus the hours I got paid at work for writing it. The only way I’ll be considered a paid writer. Did I mention that I’ve been in a bad mood lately? I’ll keep it up for the weekend at least.